Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
