our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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