Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just tell him i said nine months
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
