let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
