I bet he comes in French.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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