I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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