the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
