I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
