Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
be right there i have to get my cape
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
