Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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