Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
