Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
