I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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