We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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