so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
