You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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