Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
vagina is talking i cant
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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