The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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