my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
