Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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