i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
