Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
