I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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