The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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