I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
