I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
