M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
