Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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