Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i now understand why vodka
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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