He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
