He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
