just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
