You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
