I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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