Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
