hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He kissed a someone with a penis
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
