Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
