she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
