Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
