you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
