porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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