i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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