weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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