Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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