i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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