Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
