Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
