.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
