I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
