i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
