I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
