I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
