apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
