That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
