bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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