My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
