i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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